An Ode to Clean Carpet

Dear Carpet,

I’m not sure what kinds of horrible things you did in a past life, but they must’ve been truly unforgivable. Otherwise, how do you explain all this?

  1. Bored Finn chewing, tearing and ripping you apart for the last 2 years.
  2. Finn’s piss-everywhere-because-I-didn’t-realize-he-had-an-UTI last Christmas.
  3. Finn’s projectile diarrhea as a result of a catching a stomach parasite last month.
  4. My projectile vomiting due to flu/coughing and because I had to clean up massive amounts of diarrhea, also last month.
  5. And now, Finn has been vomiting off and on since last night…

I genuinely hope that you can atone for your alleged sins soon, otherwise, I fear what the future holds… for all three of us!

Sincerely,
Sarah, who’s tired of cleaning the carpet.

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